You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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