remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
