doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she peed on how many people?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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