i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
