So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You ruined the universe
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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