Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
