At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
