I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
