he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
