what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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