Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
