If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
