it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
