We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
