don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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