wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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