someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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