if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
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She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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