apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
