Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
