Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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