Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
