just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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