If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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