He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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