Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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