Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
