At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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