I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
