Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
