Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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