Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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