I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When are your genitals available?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
