can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
