my phone needs a breathalizer
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
