don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
