My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
