I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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