If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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