if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
