Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
