It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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