think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
