That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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