The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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