looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
