I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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