They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
