I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
