We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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