So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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