hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
