hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
