I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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