This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
