So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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