his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
