M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
