My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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