Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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