Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
