We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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