I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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