Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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