Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
