I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
