This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
