I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
