Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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