I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
