Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
