I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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