dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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